INT. WARD'S BEDROOM - DAY
TITLE SEQUENCE
The opening credits roll as pages of penciled sketches reveal
a beautiful woman. Each the same woman. Each is dated from
"78 to 1985. n each is printed "Kelly" and the initials "WL"
The signature of the artist.On occasion we see a male or
female character shift into a dual identity. Each of them
conforming into a recognizable super-hero, e.g. Clark Kent to
Superman, Barbara Gordon to Batgirl, Peter Parker to
Spiderman.
Around the dimly lit bedroom there are sketches everywhere.
They are on the walls and scattered about a desk. Among them
are yet more pictures of beautiful full bodied women.
On the nightstand a clock radio flashes 12:00. A neon phone
RINGS. A lump stirs in the bed. The phone RINGS again,
A hand darts out from under the covers and frantically
searches for the receiver. Once it's found and pulled under
the covers, we hear a voice say:
WARD (V.O)
Hello? Hello Luthor.. Do I know
what time it is?
The lump throws back the covers. Meet WARD LATTERMAN, a
twenty eight year old, blonde blue eyed, less than impressive
example of the American male. He is dressed in a pair of
boxers only.
WARD
No Luthor, what time is it?
He bolts up in bed and grabs the clock from his nightstand.
WARD
(continuing)
What? You lied!
He throws the clock across the room and breaks a shaving
mirror on the bureau. From the time the clock leaves his
hand, it seems to move in slow motion.
WARD
(continuing)
No Luthor.. What? Don't talk to me
like that. Let me remind you I'm
your superior! I made you Luthor,
I can break you! I know the
graveyard shift is long enough!
Just stay and help Petra until I
get there.
(pause)
Yes Luthor, overtime, I know, I
know. I'll be there soon. Good
bye.
Ward drops the phone while struggling to put on his clothes.
Suddenly a thought strikes him and he quickly picks up the
phone again.
WARD
(continuing)
Luthor, don't bend the grill!
He hangs up and continues to dress through his apartment to
the kitchen.
INT. WARD'S KITCHEN - DAY
The light snaps on and we see an unusable bachelor's kitchen.
The Frugal Gourmet's worst nightmare. Ward's most prized
possessions are the coffee maker and can opener.
WARD
Ah coffee... only have time for
half a cup.
Ward pours a cup of coffee, he puts that same cup back on the
heating element and runs out of the kitchen with the coffee-
pot in his hand.
EXT. WARD'S DUPLEX - DAY
Ward steps outside and checks to make sure the door is locked
behind him.
He rushes to the mailbox at edge of the drive way. He removes
the mail and puts the coffee pot into the mail box.
Ward stands in front of his garage door trying to open it
with a faulty remote. He bangs the remote a few times and
finally the door begins to lift open.
MARY ROBERTS steps out to check her mail. Mary is thirtyish.
A tall, stately brunette. A woman of the nineties, she deals
in real estate and owns both units outright.
Mary Roberts' apartment is the mirror image of Ward's. Duplex-
like, the two units face each other and join at the garages.
The only noticeable differences are the splashes of yellow
from flowers growing in window boxes of Mary's neatly painted
apartment.
Ward notices Mary, and his mood changes for the better.
WARD
(cheery)
Hi Mary.
Mary sees Ward and quickly tries to step into her apartment
but the screen door has closed. She has trouble opening it.
Ward steps over to help her.
WARD
(continuing)
Having trouble?
MARY
No trouble, Ward, it's just stuck.
WARD
Your latch seems to be stuck...
He barely jiggles the handle when suddenly it falls apart in
his hands. He holds the parts out for her to see.
WARD
(continuing)
You see, your latch wasn't secured
properly.
Mary glares at Ward and a low GROWL is heard. Ward looks down
and sees ROCKY on the other side of the door. Rocky is a
white boxer.
He is slowly revealed as the door opens. Rocky takes one good
look at Ward and his ears drop back while his growl becomes
more menacing.
Ward turns and runs for his garage. He drops the mail, the
door parts and his remote. The garage door starts closing in
front of him and he can feel Rocky hot on his tail.
Three feet from closing, Ward makes it under the door just
before it slams shut, Rocky slides in behind him. Mary walks
up, mail and remote in hand.
MARY
Rocky?
INT. WARD'S GARAGE - DAY
Ward is tightly mashed between his car and the door.
MARY (V.O)
Ward? Are you all right?
WARD
Sorry about your door, Mary.
Would you call off your dog?
Rocky BARKS, Ward's expression changes to surprised pain.
Mary opens the door and Rocky trots out with a piece of black
material between his jaws.
Ward clings to the underside of the door as it rises. His
torn pant leg swings in the breeze.
Mary tosses Ward's mail and his garage door remote onto the
ground.
MARY
There's your mail, Ward.
POV - WARD
Still clinging to the door, he watches Mary and Rocky head
back to their apartment. Rocky stops and AUDIBLY SPITS out
the shredded piece, then catches up to Mary.
WARD
Thanks, Mary. Have a nice day.
EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - O'DANIEL'S RESTAURANT - DAY
Reminiscent of the old "Jack in the Box" design. It's a box
with a Leprachaun perched on top. There are drive thru and
walk up services with no indoor dining.
Lovely fiberglass tables line one side of the walk up window.
Most fast food restaurants of its time have been re-modeled
for design and convenience, O'Daniels stands as a beacon to
the tacky reputation fast food deserves.
INT/EXT. O'DANIELS DRIVE UP WINDOW - DAY
PETRA is taking a drive-through order. She is a mature, good
looking woman from Russia. She is competent and couraraging.
We hear an order being given.
EDDIE (V.O)
I would like the corned beef
BREAKFAST BLARNEY SCONE, and a
large cup of coffee. That's all.
PETRA
That will be $2.37. Thank you.
Luthor! A corned beef breakfast
scone.
Petra fills the order. First the coffee, then as she passes
the warming bin, a freshly wrapped food item slides her way.
Without missing a beat, she scoops it up and continues toward
the window. She arrives the same time as the customer does.
EDDIE, the mailman sits in his truck. He is grey haired, with
a big bushy mustache and a twinkle in his eye. Nice tan,
good shape. They exchange food, money and mail.
PETRA
(continuing)
Good morning, mailman Eddie.
EDDIE
Good morning Petra, my Pravda
Prima Donna.
PETRA
When did I tell you I danced with
the Bolshoi Ballet?
EDDIE
You didn't. But why not let me
take you back to Russia and we
shall trip the light fantastic
through a six month Siberian
winter night.
PETRA
I've been to Siberia, you wouldn't
like it.
Ward enters behind Petra. He still seems rushed.
EDDIE
Morning Ward.
PETRA
Good morning, Mr. Latterman.
WARD
Hi, Petra. Morning, Eddie.
Petra hands Ward the bundle of mail.
EDDIE
Before I go, how about this, a
bottle of vodka, a jacuzzi of
borscht and thou.
WARD
I'm sorry Eddie, I don't drink
vodka.
Ward realizes he wasn't being spoken to, he looks up into the
eyes of both Petra and Eddie.
WARD
(continuing)
Oh... you weren't talking to me.
Petra looks at Eddie.
PETRA
I'm sorry, I don't like borscht.
Goodbye Mailman Eddie. See you
tomorrow.
EDDIE
Rain or shine, my little babushka,
rain or shine.
Eddie drives off. Petra turns her attention to Ward, who
seems to have found something disturbing in the mail.
PETRA
You look so serious.
WARD
Petra,let me read something to
you. It's from the home office in
Hibbing, Minnesota.
PETRA
Is there trouble?
WARD
Tell me what you think.
(reading)
Please be advised the Southwest
Regional Senior Vice President
will be in your area the week-end
of Friday, the 13th. Make
available, Monday morning, the
16th, for a meeting concerning the
imminent future of your store and
its employees.
Ward looks at Petra with an air of uncertainty.
PETRA
If you are asking me, the Senior
Vice President is coming here to
give you a medal.
Petra has picked up the rest of the mail and is riffling
through it.
WARD
I wish I was that optimistic.
Senior Vice Presidents don't show
up unless there is impending doom.
We passed our inspection this
month.
PETRA
Maybe this is a surprise
inspection.
WARD
I don't like surprises. What could
it be?
PETRA
Don't worry, Mr. Latterman.
Surprise or not, you keep our
store way above company standards.
WARD
You're right Petra. We do keep it
tidy. It's clean enough in here to
eat off of the floor.
PETRA
Luthor! Something for Mr.
Latterman to eat off the floor.
Luthor extends a spatula into the warming bin, an O'Daniels
food item rests on it. LUTHOR is O'Daniel's (maybe the
world's) fastest fry cook. We only ever see him from the
wrist down in the warming bin.
Luthor flips it into the air and it spins uncontrollably
toward Ward and Petra, landing on the floor between them.
They look at the food, then each other.
WARD
What is that?
PETRA
Luthor is trying something new. It
is a boiled cabbage and potato
fajita.
WARD
(to Petra)
Does it come with sauce?
From off camera Luthor squirts sauce at Ward, it hits the
front of his shirt. Ward looks at his shirt, then at Luthor.
WARD
(continuing)
You're still mad about this
morning, aren't you? Well? Give
me something to clean this up.
A towel zings across frame and hits Ward in the face. He
pulls it off and casts a disgusted look at Luthor, then bends
down to clean up the mess.
Meanwhile Petra is still sorting the mail when she comes
across something unusual. She sets the rest aside and opens
the letter.
PETRA
So, you got a class reunion coming
up?
Ward stands up into the frame rather suddenly.
WARD
I do?
PETRA
Yes. They had a hard time finding
you. It says here that the
graduating class of 1985 is
reuniting on the 14th. That's
tomorrow.
Ward snatches the letter away from her and reads it for
himself.
WARD
It's been 10 years? Time to
relive old high school nightmares.
PETRA
You don't want to go?
WARD
I don't think so.
He crumples the letter, and throws it in the trash. A BELL
sounds from the drive-up window. Petra takes the order.
PETRA
Welcome to O'Daniels. May I take
your order?
KID ON INTERCOM (V.O)
I'd like a tongue sandwich to go
please.
PETRA
OK, how do you want it to go?
KID ON INTERCOM (V.O)
Ttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhppppppppppp
(raspberry)
Ward jumps in nudging Petra out of the way. He yells into
the intercom.
WARD
Alright you kids stop playing with
the Leprachaun! Get to school!
Finish your education!
While Ward is dealing with the hooligans, Petra pulls the
invitation out of the trash, straightens it out, and slyly
slips it into the pocket of her smock.
PETRA
Petra thinks you miss something.
WARD
You can't miss something you never
had.
PETRA
Your class reunion. Petra thinks
you want to go.
WARD
There is someone I'd like to
see... but... naw... she probably
doesn't...
PETRA
She is someone you see with your
heart?
WARD
(Snaps back to
reality.)
She who? Heart? Me? Who said
anything about Kelly Osterman..
the only girl I ever loved.
PETRA
You never told her how you feel?
WARD
I almost did, at the senior prom.
PETRA
What happened?
WARD
Her boyfriend, Rick, happened. He
happened to be born, to grow up,
and just happened to go to the
same high school I did.
PETRA
Why didn't you fight for your lady
love?
WARD
He also happened to be twice my
size. I would just as soon forget
him as fight him.
PETRA
What about Kelly Osterman?
WARD
Her, I will never forget.